Dear Asshole Neighbor,
What the fuck are you doing over there? It's fucking midnight, dude. On a Sunday. It sounds like you are jackhammering the side of your house with a frozen animal corpse. I'm pretty sure that this a demonstration of your drumming skills, sadly.
We, across the driveway, are less than impressed. Perhaps if you tried when you're a little more sober and stop being a ham fisted dickbag, you'd have more rhythm.
Also, speaking of the driveway, it's supposed to be shared. I realize that your windowless white van probably needs to stay out of view from cops, but can you park it closer to your house? I hate having to wrestle my trashcans around your pedomobile. Those bins are heavy with evidence of mine and my roommates blossoming romance with alcoholism.
Which, by the way, you are not invited to. So stop getting high and wandering over here to drink all my booze. I'm always going to be too busy to hang out with you. Always.
Love,
Kendra
PS. Don't ever say "my girl" when referring to me again. It's weird, gross, rude, and presumptuous. Especially considering that I've talked to you for a total of, maybe, twenty minutes.
17 comments:
iedlati 612 thats the captcha thing I had to type to post this comment and I put it in the wrong place, but I'm not one to keep my mouth shut when something bothers me, so here it will stay, so now you know that I went that extra effort to comment regardless of their being a thousand easier blogs to comment on - that and I really liked your letter. I've been known to yell at the occasional neighbour - Do you think you live alone, here in this building, on this street, in this world, and if they don't appreciate my effort to reach out I use various methods to make noise under their bedroom windows for very long times, early in the morning - back when I was an angry ant and had those kinds of problems :) You made me laugh.
Hope you don't mind but the way you wrote this did make me laugh! Sorry to hear you have such an annoying neighbour, but maybe show your neighbour this and they might get the message!
Issy
Funny, funny, funny. Just stopped by randomly to read during the A-Z Blog Tour. Like your style. Would hate to live next door to the asshole. :)
danamartinwriting.blogspot.com
Hilarious! Not having to live by the neighbor of course, but the way you expressed yourself. To a better Monday night!
Haha this cracked me up!
Your fellow A-Z challenger,
Deecoded
The worst part about doing construction work with frozen animals is having to hurry so they don't thaw mid-way.
Nothing worse than trying to nail a beam with a half-frozen raccoon.
Could you please write a similar letter to the people who live above me? i think they are breakdancing in tap shoes each night!
(Stopping by from the A to Z Challenge)
Glad I'm not the only one who laughed at this. You have a great writing style! Found you thru the A-Z and will be back for more :o)
Well, thank you. Captcha had been removed :)
Ah, they are kids. I'll get my revenge when I decide to mow the lawn at 8am Saturday morning :)
Not at all, it was my intent to bring humor into my setting annoyance.
Maybe I will.
Thanks for stopping by! Glad you enjoyed yourself :)
Thank you!
Excellent. Enjoy your blog journey.
It's just so... Sloppy.
Haha, if you'd like. Thanks for stopping by!
Thank you so much! Hope to see you again :)
Haha, if you'd like. Thanks for stopping by!
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