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Sunday, April 21, 2013

Q and R, questions and responses

Dear God,
I grew up with you guiding my life from a very young age. In fact, I even wrote sermons in the hopes of one day becoming a lady pastor. They were all about how you should just love everybody, and they were all written in crayon.

I grew up, eventually. I stopped believing in you, or maybe you stopped believing in me. But I do still believe people should just love each other, because why not? It just makes things easier.

My reasoning for believing that when I was younger was because I was told we were all made in the image of you, and that you were a benevolent and loving God. It only seemed logical that compassion was the mirror and not this dumb monkey meat you put me in. So I tried to treat everyone as if they were all conversation pieces with God. I tried to love them as you did, I tried to show you what a kind monkey you made, a monkey that would teach other monkeys to be kind through actions.

But, then, life had more interesting and difficult questions. The only reply I could muster is that you couldn't possibly exist.
You see, like my crack addict uncle, I would rather you be dead to me than to stand next to your festering sink hole of lies and apathy.
That sounds way more bitter than I intended. Sorry.

I realized very soon after those hard ball questions, I was very different than these other monkeys. And they noticed. It was like waking up in the garden of Eden, bloated with those thinking apples, without a fig leaf. Except in this garden, everybody else had been awake for a while,no one else was naked, and their tummies didn't hurt from binge eating from the tree of knowledge.

These monkeys are really kind of rude, you know?

I was mad about that. But I eventually found science, which answered a whole lot more questions than your old testament of chicken soup for the soul, and I was satiated. I actually find more comfort in elements than in everlasting life.
I'm a random chance made of star stuff, and that's a whole lot better than being somethings lonely echo.

Listen: I'm not here to bash you for anyone else. I've seen the work you do for the ill and grieving. You give people hope and that's lovely. Thank you.

I just don't think people should be encouraged with a reward for barely meeting the qualifications of being a decent human being. That should just be a thing they do.
So, stop handing out paradise like it's candy. People are getting lazy down here.

Love,
Kendra

2 comments:

lynnelives said...

Popped by from AtoZ. Love your letters, very thoughtful. Hope you're enjoying the challenge. The more we learn from science the more we realise what we scoffed at was true. The earth's still flat, right?

Sylvia Ney said...

Interesting. I hope you find the peace you are looking for. New follower here. I'm stopping by from the "A to Z" challenge and I look forward to visiting again.

Sylvia
http://www.writinginwonderland.blogspot.com/