A is for Assholes.

Dear Asshole Neighbor,
What the fuck are you doing over there? It's fucking midnight, dude. On a Sunday. It sounds like you are jackhammering the side of your house with a frozen animal corpse. I'm pretty sure that this a demonstration of your drumming skills, sadly.
We, across the driveway, are less than impressed. Perhaps if you tried when you're a little more sober and stop being a ham fisted dickbag, you'd have more rhythm.
Also, speaking of the driveway, it's supposed to be shared. I realize that your windowless white van probably needs to stay out of view from cops, but can you park it closer to your house? I hate having to wrestle my trashcans around your pedomobile. Those bins are heavy with evidence of mine and my roommates blossoming romance with alcoholism.
Which, by the way, you are not invited to. So stop getting high and wandering over here to drink all my booze. I'm always going to be too busy to hang out with you. Always.
Love,
Kendra
PS. Don't ever say "my girl" when referring to me again. It's weird, gross, rude, and presumptuous. Especially considering that I've talked to you for a total of, maybe, twenty minutes.